saturday night

it's saturday night, saturday night.


Elian Gonzalez today. Today, Elian, with has a paralyzing fear of tires, rafts, and moving water. He enjoys playing Wii and has a problem with authority, and so he acts out. His anger takes the form of him breaking crockery.

He enjoys wearing black hoodies and black bracelets; one per every whore that he's banged. He now has four. He wears a green bracelet for every time he has oral sex; he now has ten. He's thinking about cutting off the green bracelets because it would get to be a lot of bracelets.

His favorite season is the summer, because it reminds him of Cuba and now smokes cigars to remind him of his homeland. He also enjoys plantains that he purchases at Wegman's. He is trying to divorce his legal guardian and that's why he looks to Drew Barrymore as his idol.

He thinks that if he had cancer, his Make a Wish dream would be to meet Drew Barrymore, and he would like to get a black bracelet from her, but it's unlikely. He's starting to think about what he wants to do with his life, but he's kind of lazy so he thinks he wants to be a line chef. He thinks he would be good sauteeing arugula all day,

His favorite dish to cook is coq au vin (basically rooster cooked with red wine). He likes to eat the little dangly things off roosters' heads. His ideal girl wears skirts for easy access and rides unicorns. He loves things that are magical. He has a bit of a Peter Pan complex and sometimes wishes he was molested by Michael Jackson and he would love to get a big cash settlement.

He has one girl that he goes to when he wants some action, but he doesn't tell anybody because she has an ugly face. Her name is Rosa. She has a firecrotch.

I got rejected from E-Harmony

I enjoy long, creamy walks on the beach, getting sharted in the rain and serendipitous encounters with cockles. I really like piña coladas mixed with niquil, and romantic, candle-lit umbrellas. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to Oprah. I travel frequently, especially to your crotch, when I am not busy with work. (I am a prostitute.) I am looking for vacuum and beauty in the form of a goddess. She should have the physique of Liberian Beafsteak Grace and the clit of Dara. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my Beanie Babies. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 327 days ago, and I have since become more Saucy.

Post Script: I can fit my body through the head of an unstrung tennis racquet.

Ummm Perfect

sexy Macdonald had a penis, E-I-E-I-O
and on that penis he had an gazelle, E-I-E-I-O
with a fart fart here
and a fart fart there,
here a fart, there a fart,
everywhere a fart fart,
sexy Macdonald had a penis, E-I-E-I-O.

damnit, janet, you're a galaxy girl

pillow talk.

life advice

prose is totally the new poem.

gazelle and daylilly.

gazelle: "i'm tired of running from the lion."
daylilly: "look, bees can't stop pollenating me."
gazelle: "and you can't even run away from the bees, you have roots. and not the kind clairol can take care of."
daylilly: "damn straight, shorty."

nick arrojo

free and easy look
there you are it's the new you
you're a hair life coach

crank that soulja boy

tranny dances.

applebees after being rained out of dorney park.
meeting up with my lover from craigslist at starbucks

cosmo stickers.

parker posey was on project runway once. belly buttons as erogenous zones. what is a credenza?
be shamelessly opportunistic - that bathing suit will get you beaten

clit soup. no thank you, i prefer pumpkin.
i'm a le le le le le le indian not a wa wa wa wa wa indian.
dakota fanning. william shatner. donny osmond. space ship.

buzz aldrin is now doing commerical for space, why? i love david's bridal.

why is there a revolver in your medicine cabinet? unicorns.

toe cleavage

pirate hooker - mower, blower, and more

jennifer beals can eat her crotch out. she has angel hair pasta for her pubes. gotta keep it clean.

tomatoes, right off the vine.

the crotch is the new butt. it's time to talk about my new love affair.

i met a lady in red. and i said let's have poop sex. i'll poop in your butt, and you poop in my butt, and we'll poop back and forth forever, with the same poop.

zoobilee zoo

Hadji quest
We are vr troopers.
Supreme.
Virtrual reality.

Eaaaglen. Like Elton john. Bette middler. Eaglen.

Wayne and Stacey.
Responsible for the boobie.
I’m open to it – I’ll try it.

.antelope.

milkin a teat. Do you own a cow?
Fupa fupa fupa, I made you out of clay.
Androgynous crotch. It’s called boy.
Ok, skippy.

Oh, the meaty part, not the weenie part.

hiroshima

why would you compare yourself to a mannequin anyway? that's kind of ridiculous

nunca. jamas.