saturday night

it's saturday night, saturday night.


Elian Gonzalez today. Today, Elian, with has a paralyzing fear of tires, rafts, and moving water. He enjoys playing Wii and has a problem with authority, and so he acts out. His anger takes the form of him breaking crockery.

He enjoys wearing black hoodies and black bracelets; one per every whore that he's banged. He now has four. He wears a green bracelet for every time he has oral sex; he now has ten. He's thinking about cutting off the green bracelets because it would get to be a lot of bracelets.

His favorite season is the summer, because it reminds him of Cuba and now smokes cigars to remind him of his homeland. He also enjoys plantains that he purchases at Wegman's. He is trying to divorce his legal guardian and that's why he looks to Drew Barrymore as his idol.

He thinks that if he had cancer, his Make a Wish dream would be to meet Drew Barrymore, and he would like to get a black bracelet from her, but it's unlikely. He's starting to think about what he wants to do with his life, but he's kind of lazy so he thinks he wants to be a line chef. He thinks he would be good sauteeing arugula all day,

His favorite dish to cook is coq au vin (basically rooster cooked with red wine). He likes to eat the little dangly things off roosters' heads. His ideal girl wears skirts for easy access and rides unicorns. He loves things that are magical. He has a bit of a Peter Pan complex and sometimes wishes he was molested by Michael Jackson and he would love to get a big cash settlement.

He has one girl that he goes to when he wants some action, but he doesn't tell anybody because she has an ugly face. Her name is Rosa. She has a firecrotch.